Assertiveness Part 4

HOW TO BE ASSERTIVE IN SPECIFIC SITUATIONS

Being assertive can assist you to overcome awkward situations. Here are a few examples that can assist you to:

SAY "NO"

If you do not want to do something, you do not have to do it! Refusing does not mean you are selfish!

Do not feel compelled to give a reason.

Feel free to strike a compromise. "I can not organize your tag sale and I would be happy to donate some items."

EXPRESS YOUR ANGER

There is nothing wrong with feeling anger; it is the way it is expressed that can hurt people.

Do say something. The other person can not read your mind -- and do not count on sulking to get your message across.

Discuss the issue (and that issue only).

Stay calm

Avoid name-calling

Discuss solutions. Compromise.

"I am irritated that you are continually late. Is there some reason why you can not get here on time? Maybe we can change your schedule." NOT "I am sick and tired of this, you lazy bum!"

ASK FOR ASSISTANCE

Asking for assistance is natural and everybody can use it once in a while.

Make your request direct, clear and specific.

Give the person time to choose if he or she wants to do it.

Make sure the person understands that it is OK to say "No." "I have got to move before the end of the month. Could you lend a hand between the 28th and 30th?"

GIVE AND RECIEVE COMPLIMENTS

If receiving praise is tough for you, then just give a smile, a simple "thank you" or a hug, depending on the situation.

Do not insult the person giving the compliment by saying "Oh, is was nothing" simply say "You are welcome or thank you."

If you truly feel the compliment is underserved, acknowledge that, and still thank the person. "I was a bit disappointed myself and I am glad you liked it. Thanks for the support.

When giving praise, be sincere and specific.

PRACTICE YOUR ASSERTIVENESS SKILLS

Becoming assertive takes time and practice. Here is a plan that may assist.

1. SELECT A SITUATION in which you would like to be assertive. "I would like to tell my friends that I do not want to go out with them every Friday night."

2. OBSERVE HOW OTHERS ACT in the same situation. "Dibbie makes excuses. It works, and some people doubt her truthfulness. Tom simply says, "No, thank you. I would rather not.

3.REHEARSE THE SCENE by planning what you will say, how you will make your point. Practice in front of the mirror to be sure you look and act confident as well.

4. GO DO IT AND SEE WHAT HAPPENS "I do not want to go our tonight. I would just like to stay home and relax."

5. EVALUATE WHAT YOU HAVE DONE and be critical and do not be too hard on yourself. "I could improve my eye contact. I was direct, I did not make excuses and it worked."

6. DO IT AGAIN .. You can do it!

YOU CAN BECOME ASSERTIVE AS NEVER BEFORE

SAY what is on your mind.

EXPRESS yourself directly, honestly and appropriately

RESPECT you own rights and the rights of others

Being assertive will make a difference in your life ... A DIFFERENCE YOU WILL ENJOY